well. that was fun!

Ok, So lets start off with the basics.
My name is Cassie, Just turned 29. I have a son, who is my whole world. We just moved into a beautiful home with my boyfriend Lance. I'm a massage therapist and actually really love my job. Great friends. Amazing yet, crazy family. No major regrets with anything I've done in my life (with the exception of a few ex-boyfriends).
Life is Good...
except the fact that I'm a good 30 pounds overweight and at 5'3, that's not exactly healthy.
I can no longer use the excuse that its "baby fat" because my "baby" will be 5 years old next month..
I'm not going to sit here and blame my weight gain on a bad childhood, or a neglecting boyfriend or a crappy job because none of that is true.
My family is awesome, supportive, and most of them are in great shape!. (bastards)
My friends are wonderful, funny, like sisters (most look like they just walked off the cover of a surfing magazine.)
My boyfriend is amazing. Stepped into this relationship when my son had just turned 2 years old and has loved me and said I'm sexy with my curves. He has trouble putting ON weight. He can't seem to gain anything and barely has to work out  in order to keep his "figure"

so maybe I'm a little bit Jealous of the fact that most people around me are in pretty much fantastic shape.
I wasn't always like this though. Before my son, I was in great shape. 115-120 pounds...maybe 125 was the biggest I EVER was, and I blamed that weight on my boobs.
I was in theater, Dancing and singing since I was about 5 years old and I NEVER had to watch what I ate. If I had to go out somewhere and wanted a new outfit, I could walk right into GUESS at the mall and walk out in 20 minutes. Anything I put on looked good. I never had to wonder if I looked fat in it. Now, I can't even think about buying clothes. The thought makes me want to throw up.


Anytime I see these pretty little, skinny, girls at the mall walk out with their size 2 jeans and extra small shirts, I secretly want to stick my foot out and trip them.
I know that's just my insecurites talking and me wanting to point the finger at everyone else about why I can't lose this weight.

the simple fact is that I'm a mom now, your body changes and I can't eat 461486717 cookies at 1:00 in the morning with a big glass of milk like I used to.
I'm finally letting go and ok with the fact I'll never be a size 3-5 again. I just want to be healthy, lose 30 pounds so People don't ask me "awww....whens' the baby due!"
yes. Its happened twice. and I just smile and say "I'm about 4 months. Thanks!"
and then go cry a river in my car..

I'm hoping that this blog will motivate me to get off my lazy ass and do a little bit of exercise and eat healthier. anyone who wants to offer advice,.recipes, motivation. anything would be awesome.

So lets start with Day one:
I woke up this morning with a hell of headache, possibly could have been the 3 beers I had last night (but hey they were bud LIGHT!)
there was no sign of Advil in the house. ughhhhh...
so I had to go to publix and I had a Brilliant Idea that I would walk there! Now when we drive there by car, it doesnt seem far at ALL....I thought "pff....I can do this"

Seriously. WTF was I thinking.....I got half way there and I thought my legs were going to fall out. and Hello! I live in Florida. Walking OUTSIDE feels like your walking INTO a sauna.
I finally made it to publix, grabbed my advil, water and some Brussel Sprouts.
Then I wanted to cry cause I realized I had to walk BACK.
I listened to a bunch of "Glee" songs, especially "Like a prayer" because it was gonna be a miracle if I made this walk back without having a heart attack.

But I did and it did feel good. I'm wondering how i'm going to feel later though.
And I'm sure the Pain will set in tonight when my first client arrives and says ":Yea sooo i'm looking for a deep tissue massage, I heard you do two hour massages?"
yup....story of my life.

Until tomorrow boys and girls